Trigonography's avatar

Trigonography

Still learning.
8 Watchers49 Deviations
6.3K
Pageviews

Talent?

4 min read
I've had a number of discussions with friends and family about what talent is. People tell me that I have a talent for drawing, but I don't think I've ever really felt talented. I mean, it's not like I was born being able to draw. I recently went through some old sketchbooks and college notebooks, and let me tell you, I was deeply embarrassed. I was embarrassed by the quality of the work, the content, the style, the methods I used. I look at some stuff from 2010 and I think, "Oh my Lord, what was I doing? All of these people look like noodles!" Going further back, I see a lot of Sonic the Hedgehog fanart, and I ask myself what I found so compelling, seeing as I never really liked Sonic the Hedgehog to begin with, except the bit in Sonic Adventure 2 where there was a space station and lab experiments and the possibility of many sordid things that the player didn't get to hear about because they were busy following the badly-acted and awkwardly-animated exploits of Brooding-Troubled-Loner Egotist and Desperately-Trying-To-Be-Cool Egotist. But I admit, I drew fanart. I drew a lot of it-- Sonic, Doctor Who, The Lord of the Rings, The X-Men, the whole nine yards. This was important, though it was an awkward and embarrassing time that I might call artistic puberty if I didn't think it sounded kind of gross. It taught me different drawing styles, gave me something which I thought was character creation but was actually practice for drawing people. 

This, I think, is what talent is. My "talent" for drawing is not the ability to draw; it's the will or the drive to draw, even when it's embarrassing, when it's terrible, even when I ought to be doing something else. It's the desire to keep practicing. Anyone can draw well. It's not hard to train the muscles to do so. What's makes one person's "talents" different from another's is not their ability to do a thing, but their desire to do it. I have no musical talent, or so I tell people, but in truth I just don't get much satisfaction for performing, practicing, or theorizing about sound. I have no talent for programming, or so I say, but I have made programs and if that gave me some significant satisfaction, I would have kept on doing it and become a programmer. I often say I have no talent for math, but I teach it, and with a little effort I can manage to not embarrass myself, but I don't really enjoy it and I try to find ways to make it take less time. But I do enjoy drawing. Nowadays, I often feel less embarrassed when look at something I drew. It's finally become something of a skill, although I still think I have a long way to go before I'm really happy with the results.

That's my point, really. Maybe talent is just the drive to practice something. I'm not even convinced that you're born with it. I wonder what would have happened if my parents and grandparents had not encouraged me to draw, keeping crayons and paper and glitter around so that they could do their Important Adult Things without me pestering them. Maybe I'd still enjoy drawing. But I think I probably would be even less inclined to show the results than I am now. It's just a thing I do for my own satisfaction. And maybe that, at heart, is what talent is: it's what you call it when doing something gives you some kind of satisfaction. Sometimes, it leads to actual skill.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
First, a disclaimer: the title of this entry is only tangentially related to paper clips, and not at all to the economy.

Most people I meet seem to have an opinion about attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, from the opinion that it's a serious condition that needs to be addressed to the opinion that it's normal child behavior that's been called a disorder so that drug companies can sell stimulants to kids. I'm generally cautious about telling people outright that I've been diagnosed with ADHD. Even my teachers, to whom I sometimes shamefacedly hand disability accommodations letters, don't know exactly why I need extra time in a quiet room to take exams. I don't want to know what their opinions are on this matter, not when it can and would affect me personally.
There was a time when I was dismissive of ADHD. I don't think I ever denied its existence, but certain people that I knew had it got very much on my nerves, and it seemed that they did so deliberately. It was hard not to be a bit sympathetic, when I saw that they didn't particularly want to be a pain in the neck, but I wondered in annoyance why their parents allowed bad behavior. Mine certainly wouldn't. I chalked up their lack of self-discipline to a lack of parental attention. After all, if my mom and dad never told me what to do or how to behave, then I'd run amok too!
That's all changed. I can't say that I like the kids I knew with ADHD any more now than I did then. But I realize these days that because of my particular situation and the very different ways ADHD can manifest, that I can't be as self-righteous about how I was a calm, quiet, well-behaved if sort of weird little girl. I was homeschooled and I never had to fit into any mold but the one I made for myself as long as I did well on my schoolwork. And doing well was never much trouble for me, although I had a knack for procrastination.
For me, ADHD has been a subtle monster. It manifests by my inability to multitask, in my forgetting things almost as soon as I hear them, in being hyperfocused on drawing a picture of my professor's double chin in intricate detail and in talking under my breath during class. It manifests in writing lame poems and horrible fanfiction instead of writing lab reports. It manifests in chores left partially done, in a desk piled so high with crap that it's unusable. It manifests in me wandering off to do my own thing, taking naps in trees and staying up until three a.m. trying to figure out how to build a robot that moves like a snake. These things sound quirky and harmless, and I don't think people know how heavy a toll it takes on my productivity. My boyfriend, bless him, has taken it upon himself to keep me focused when I'm against a deadline. My brother has become my manager, denying me access to the front door, the television, or YouTube until I've made acceptable headway on an assignment. I hate making them baby-sit me like this. It's not fair to them. I'm trying to make things better, to have the mental discipline to get things done without needing someone to crack the whip.
This is why it hurts me when people tell me that ADHD doesn't exist. I'm an engineer; I like facts. I like proof. When something happens, there is a reason for it. I generally trust scientists to at least know what they're talking about.

A good friend of mine, upon hearing that I have ADHD, promptly told me that he doesn't think it's a good diagnosis, and that the doctor who diagnosed me was trying to sell me medications. I tried to point out that this doctor would get no benefit from any diagnosis except what I paid her initially, and in fact mentioned that many people with mild ADHD may not need medication to get along. She recommended books and that I talk to the (free) counselor at my school. There'd be no reason for her to make this diagnosis unless she genuinely thought that this was the cause of my problems. But that's not much of an argument against a person who's set in their beliefs.
On the other hand, I've gotten a lot of pressure to medicate. A friend of mine (also diagnosed with ADHD) says that it has helped him a lot. My family has recommended that I turn to chemicals to relieve my problems with distractibility and time management.
In the end, I suspect most people's problem isn't with ADHD, although they may deny that such a disorder exists. It's a problem of whether one should medicate, whether one should trust the psychiatrists, psychologists, and physicians. It's a matter of ignorance. People don't trust what they don't understand, but rather than admit that they don't understand, they say that they are being lied to somehow.
Spreading ignorance and conspiracy-theorist thought is frankly sad. It dismisses the very real problems that those of us with ADHD have. It's not bad parenting, it's not moral ineptitude, and it's not mere stupidity. If that were the case, then I'm sure we'd not have thousands of people who had good parents, strong morals, and bright ideas trying desperately to hold their lives together.


Some links about ADHD, the controversy surrounding it, etc.:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ADHD
www.childmind.org/en/posts/art…
family.custhelp.com/app/answer…
www.parentingscience.com/ADHD-…
www.davidsongifted.org/db/Arti…
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I love starting projects.
Finishing them? That's a lot harder. New ideas are what I live for. That's part of why I decided to be an engineer; I love new things. Learning them, making them, bouncing them off the floor and watching them not break despite common knowledge that a glass ornament won't survive a fifteen-foot fall onto bare concrete.... where was I?
I currently have four knitting projects in various stages of completion. I've got a skirt made of neckties that isn't sewn together yet. I have the schematic for making curtains out of neckties. There are more than ten glass paperweights that I've made waiting to be cold-worked. I have several ounces of paraffin wax that I'm saving. Over a dozen hollowed-out light bulbs that I'm going to use for a sculpture. Glass bottles and mint tins that I think I was going to use for making a clock. A sketchbook that I've dedicated to giving advice to my descendants. A chapter and a half of a comic, notes on the world in which it's set, and a lot of character art and a few pages of storyboarding, but not a single completed page. And I am starting another comic script, because I just had this awesome idea...
You get the point. I have a lot of unfinished projects. I felt so proud of myself when I finished a project a couple of weeks ago; that typewriter was waiting for a simple fix for a whole year. It's easy to blame all my unfinished projects on too much schoolwork, or writer's block, or depression. But some of these projects have been sitting around for two, three years, waiting for me to get back to them. I know exactly what to do for most of these projects. It's just a matter of doing it.

I know this phenomenon is not unique to me, or even uncommon. I've seen it in my father; he's got a closet full of partially-repaired computers and scavenged parts. My little brother has most of a robot (which he built from scratch) that's just missing an easy-to-get switch. My grandfather has a barn full of half-finished home-improvement projects. I've seen friends and classmates start things, but I never see the finished product. Follow-through is one of the hardest things to achieve, it seems.

It is my opinion that there are several stages of a creative endeavor; these aren't how-to steps, just my observations of the process.

I. "Wouldn't it be cool if...?" This is the birth of an idea. It is the spark of discussion and thought. I think most ideas never really get past this stage.

II. "This is how you do it..." This is the stage I'm addicted to. This is where thoughts get refined to a plan, although the plan may be short on detail. Here is where my dad's freight dirigible idea seems to have stalled. We've talked about the pros, cons, infrastructure changes, and other matters involved in changing the transport of generalized stuff from semi trucks to zeppelins.

III. "I've got some of the materials/skills now, so let's do it." Honestly, this is where most projects start stalling. You have X and Y, now if you can just find a Z... but you put off finding a Z until your next trip to the store, and you slowly start realizing the scope of your endeavor. Unpleasant emotions such as anxiety or self-doubt tend to put gentle brakes on the idea.

IV. "Oh my, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be." This is the stage of full commitment. You have your materials, and you've run into problems you didn't account for. I remember the first fountain I ever made; it was an ambitious design, and I hadn't taken certain factors into account (such as center of gravity and the outside diameter of the hose I had.) Here is where people tend to quit or keep going; projects rarely actually stall here, usually because they need immediate attention.

V. "Why did I decide to do this?" This is frustration in its purest form. This is where you can't turn back and you don't seem to be going forward. Problems are arising faster than you can solve them, and failure seems imminent. You finally see the scope of the project, and you may start calling for help. When I've reached this point, I've learned to take heart-- it means that if and when I finish, it will be an impressive piece of work. It means I'm learning.

VI. "Hey-- hey, it's not horrible! Aw, the end is so close!" Near-completion is the second most painful part of the creative process. It's where you're achingly close to seeing the end. It's where, if it fails now, most people will feel a strong desire to crawl under the covers and weep bitter tears for their potential masterpiece. This is where careless errors are usually made; this is where you get a little excited and drop something, or put your hand through it, or melt a hole in the bottom.

VII. "Ha, take that, world! I finished it!" This is the other really addictive part. Endorphins rush through your brain in a way that I'm sure resembles the use of controlled substances. Jumping, screaming, crying, and hugging complete strangers is a natural part of this, although many creative people are much more subdued and may just nod in satisfaction and move on to the next thing.

VIII. (Optional) "Oh, man, that was crap! Why did I think that was any good?" This happens after more endeavors have been completed. Sometimes many years have passed. This is the part where you can say that you've learned between then and now, and you see all the flaws in your work, signs of inexperience or bad assumptions or whatnot. This is what I call the "artist's curse," because I've not met one single artist that looks at something they've done a year ago and doesn't exclaim to themselves about how terrible it is. Tchaikovsky comes to mind.


Anyway, that's my two cents on projects. I know the feeling of stalling so well; sometimes I promise myself a reward if I finish something. Sometimes I have my friends and family push me along. (Some people are so terrified of stifling the creative process by demanding a product that they fuel my habit of not finishing. I wish I had a way of telling people that creativity is not making something out of nothing; it's making something out of other things. I can turn nagging into gold, assuming that alchemy still works.)

I suppose I could say something encouraging about people who have trouble finishing projects, but the truth is that it's hard to finish things. It takes discipline. It takes courage. It takes thick skin and an active mind. It takes all of those things at once and more. The question is, do you want to go through all the mental, physical, and emotional bashing your head against the wall to reach stage VII? And are you mature enough to accept stage VIII? Those are questions that I'm still answering.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Intelligence

3 min read
I recently took an intelligence test. A real one that cost three paychecks all told, not the kind you find for free on the Internet. There was an actual psychology grad student in the room, and a psychology Ph.D. supervising. It was the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale IV,. Afterward, when I received the results, I got to thinking. (Maybe I should have done that during the test instead. Well, better late than never.)
There's a certain amount of question whether intelligence tests can accurately measure intelligence, and what intelligence actually is. The grad student who proctored the test seemed to see the intelligence test as more a diagnostic tool than an actual measure of ability, a conclusion I reached when I read the full report. I saw several disclaimers for the numbers and usual interpretations, lots of "this score may underestimate her actual ability" and some fiddling about with numbers to see what happens when you factor in or out certain axes of the tests. I had never thought of these kinds of tests as being diagnostic before, but it makes sense. After all, it is generally agreed that intelligence, whatever it may be, can't be measured by any one attribute. I was surprised that there were no tricky questions, only some tests with unclear purpose. The scoring by the battery of tests was not a general "this is how smart you are" thing, as one might expect. It was a "There is a difference of three standard deviations between your score on this and your score on that, which is indicative of such-and-so." There is a mean score for the statistics on all these tests (100) but they are compared only against the individual, so far as I could see.

That's all very well, but what does this mean? It means to me that it is pointless to compare intelligence test scores between individuals. Not only is intelligence not a competition, it's misleading. I know I'm not a complete idiot-- I had my adenoids taken out some years ago-- but  to look at scores on certain subtests compared to the mean, I might well be. Intelligence tests are for diagnostic purposes and are used against the individual's lifestyle, much like the Body Mass Index is for diagnostic purposes against the person's lifestyle. Psychology is still a mystifying field to me, but having been exposed to it more closely, I've stopped thinking of it as a soft science.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Spooky Stuff...

1 min read
I just want to ask all the people out there to thank God, because no one was hurt in the exciting events of the morning. Long story short, there was a gunman on my campus. The building where all my classes are held has been locked down, and the campus is officially operating on emergency procedures. No one was injured, but they're still chasing the suspect, who has not been located.
The suspect is a white male, not a student, who fled from a local military base after being questioned on his possession of an AK-47. Shots were fired in town, at the police who were trying to apprehend him. He passed through the college during his escape just before 9 o'clock, when I got a scary automated-voice "emergency lockdown" phone call.

Again, thank God that no one was hurt, and pray this nutcase is caught soon.

UPDATE: The suspect was just now apprehended and taken into custody. And there was much rejoicing.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Talent? by Trigonography, journal

We could fix the whole economy by-- PAPER CLIP!!! by Trigonography, journal

Thoughts on New Projects by Trigonography, journal

Intelligence by Trigonography, journal

Spooky Stuff... by Trigonography, journal